Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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