She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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