All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
