All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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