Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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