It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
