I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I would fuck him just for his dog
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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