I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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