I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize