anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
