not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize