It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
