are you still at the devil's house?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
