There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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