the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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