Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize