i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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