Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
