Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
