I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize