I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
