I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
