I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
