batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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