So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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