i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
