i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize