genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
