Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
