you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
