Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
