Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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