btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
