4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
