I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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