I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
