were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
