OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
