i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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