R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
