Is it normal to miss your booty call?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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