i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
