She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
