That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
