We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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