I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
