I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
