how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
