His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
