Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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