i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
