You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
