So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
