I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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