apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize