I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
