So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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