he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
