My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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