did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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