he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
