okay pat passed out under dana's car
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
