dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize