....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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