she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
