I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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