I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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