oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
